Beauty
by celesti
Summary: Mandy struggles with bulimia one night in the girl's dorm bathroom.


It's heavily hinted that Mandy has bulimia so warnings ahead obviously this story contains an eating disorder.

* * *

><p>Mandy was on her knees, bent over the toilet. That's where she always found herself, didn't she? It was a common occurrence. Sneaking into the bathrooms in the late hours of the night, while all the other girls slept and dreamed away in soft beds. The water in the toilet bowl was glaring at her, and she looked right back at it. It was a staring contest, all waiting for the first one to crack. Mandy always lost that game. Every single time.<p>

She raised her pointer and middle finger to her mouth, and took a few deep breaths of air. It always hurt, and it was never easy like in the movies. The movies made it out as a one and done deal. Just shove your hand down your throat and _Bam_! All problems solved. But it wasn't like that at all. It took several minutes, sometimes a half an hour for her to empty all the gross food in her stomach. And it hurt, it really did. But it had to be done. Beauty never came with ease, that's what the fashion magazines always said.

Mandy shoved two fingers to the back of her mouth. She gagged, body arching forward. Just a little more, she told herself. Just a little more and everything will be okay. She won't feel fat and she won't feel worthless. After a minute or two, she reached victory. Part of her early school lunch lurched out from her lips and splashed into the toilet bowl and she quickly yanked her fingers out. Mandy felt the stingy tears roll up into her eyes but blocked them back with a blink.

Just a little more.

She shoved her fingers back in, heart pounding and stomach tumbling. It was a fight between her own body. But she had to win. Mandy always won this part of the game. She pushed her fingers forward and back across the farthest edge of her tongue. Another large gag rolled up from the back of her throat, oh this one felt big. Good, good, Mandy felt the familiar morbid excitement flow through her. Her throat burned, but she didn't stop. Just a little more and she'd be beautiful. All the boys would stare, and all the girls would hate.

Another gag, her throat felt like sandpaper.

Suddenly the lights switched on.

"Is anyone there?"

Mandy froze, eyes squinting from the sudden glow and quickly yanking her fingers out of her mouth. She recognized that obnoxious voice from anywhere.

Mandy let out a cough before speaking, "Go away, Beatrice." She snapped harshly, hoping it would send the girl off on her way.

She stood with a huff, knees cracking from the harsh position on the tiled floor. She quickly flushed the toilet and headed out of the stall without even sparing a look at the confused girl as she made her way to the sinks. She began washing her hands thoroughly, not even paying mind as Beatrice slowly made her way toward her.

"Why are you up so late?" She asked timidly after a few seconds of silence.

Mandy rolled her eyes, keeping her attention fixed on cleaning her hands with soap and water.

"Mand-"

"Why the hell do you care?" Mandy questioned sharply, looking Beatrice over with a raised brow, "You weren't spying on me in the bathroom, were you, dyke?"

Beatrice shrunk back in defense, "N-no! I was just wondering why-"

"Wonder this." Mandy flicked her hands, the water falling off and smacking Beatrice in the face. Beatrice gasped, stumbling back as she rubbed at her eyes. Mandy smirked at the sight, turning on her heels and heading out the door to go back to bed. God, she wanted to punch that loser in the face for barging in on her. Out of all the times too! It had to be now. Why the hell was she up so late anyway? At least I have a goddamn excuse, Mandy figured. She stomped to the entrance, wanting to get back to her room and curl into lavender sheets.

"My sister used to do that too, you know."

Mandy stopped in her tracks, whipping around to glare at the girl. Beatrice only stared back and Mandy's eyes narrowed into slits. She didn't need stupid Beatrice's sympathy, out of all the people. She didn't need anyone's sympathy. The rumors were worse enough. Mandy had ears, she heard them in the halls. Sure, they hurt to hear, but Mandy quickly learned to block a lot of it out, like she did with a lot of things. All the people whispering about such and such. And if Beatrice thought she was gonna blackmail her or something? Well, she had another thing coming.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do." Beatrice said simply.

Mandy opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't think of anything. Nothing came to mind. No insults, no jabs, not even a simple throw-away slur to shout at Beatrice. Nothing. She closed her mouth and huffed deeply, glaring at Beatrice in another version of the infamous staring contest. And Mandy would win this time. She had to.

After a few short and silent seconds, Beatrice finally spoke up, "I-I should go. I have a English final in the morning. Goodnight." She quickly speed-walked past Mandy, making sure to stay as far away as possible, and bee-lined back to her dorm with haste. Mandy watched her go before turned to face the bathroom. She was alone again. Mandy glanced over at the toilet and wondered if she should give the purging another go.

_No_, she decided rather quickly, Beatrice's word ringing through her ears. Mandy wanted to cry. But she wiped the incoming tears away and headed back to her dorm.

Mandy would find herself back in the bathroom later, she always came back. Just a little more purging, she told herself as she quietly twisted the knob to her door and tip-toed inside. Just a little more, and she'd finally feel beautiful.


End file.
